Licking Lorries and Incubating Cork

Cambridge Punters... [Day-out]

2008-05-30T10:39:00.004+01:00

Riiight-oo. Yesterday (29th May) was Josie's birthday and so we went to Cambridge to go punting...Now, surprisingly I'm 18 and had never gone punting before. It was quite funny, we went up to see all the colleges and Germans going "schnell! schnell!" and nearly crashing. Was quite good. We had a nice tour for £10 (the man was nice for believing we were full-time educated), and it took about 45 minutes. Me and Josie got wet, Sam and Kelly didn't, mainly because we were sat infront of the punter- who nearly fell in. This was about all that happened apart from the bus ride there and back.

What made us laugh: Talking about someone being a baby giver, an old lady metal screaming and a tap dancing punter. Now for the detail;
Tap Dancing Punter: We were on our trip back and I thought... 'Wouldn't it be cool if we had a punter that could tap dance?' It would be cool! But, very difficult and probably would charge twice, if not thrice as much. Shortly after, out punter decided to slip, much to Sam's and Kelly's amusement.
Old Lady Metal Screaming: We were sat on the top of the bus at the back, and as I got on I noticed this old lady, and some guy in a Trivium t-shirt. After a while, before the bus had got outside the perimeters of Cambridge, the baby began to cry. This was then followed by me going, 'It's probably that old lady metal screaming.', which was followed by laughter and an image of this granny screaming.
Baby Giver: I meant midwife, but it was not to be! We were taking a joke about Mrs. Ritchie being a good person to calm people down; the breath, two, three, breathe, two, three - exercise. It all came when of course, we got onto the baby talk and we came to conclude Mrs. Ritchie would be good at this as it'd relax, however the fault was that the mother would refuse to push, as she was concentrating on breathing. Mrs. Ritchie is a baby giver as of now, and she intercepts peoples homes when they least want it and go "Here's a baby!", and then runs.

Anyway, peace. x

Talking toilet... [Discovery]

2008-05-21T17:57:00.004+01:00

Right, this sounds weird, but it is completely truthful. It was on discovering the wonders of the Hamlet show we went to see in/near Islington. The background is, I needed the toilet and I ended up paying £1 to use this beautiful blue box, that looked slightly like the tardis.

Firstly, you pay and then the doors open. Next, it is up to you to walk through the gap and press the button to close, then lock. If you suceeded, you begin to get praised and the woman begins to talk to you about the features of the "self-cleaning toilet". The woman begins by telling you where the toilet is, and how to use it. She then moves onto talking about how the toilet will open automatically after 15 minutes, unless you are disabled and used the radar key.
Within the time of me going to the toilet, I had been told that water cleans this toilet after every 4 users or so... I had finished on the loo and she was now telling me where the water and air dryer was, and how to get the soap. She also then told me; "If you require toilet paper, please press the green button next to the SOS button.". I then left, after 2 minutes and she had only just finished explaining the toilet.

It was a cool one indeed, and I've been in a lovely toilet that is sociable. Hamlet wasn't bad either.
x

Bermuda Triangle [Idea]

2008-05-13T21:22:00.006+01:00

This is a way of figuring out the Bermuda Triangle, which incase you didn't know, is the 120 square miles of ocean that engulfs entire squadrons of war planes! There's many theories and I shan't go into them as it isn't the aim of my post. (I like mine and Josie's theory of Moby Dick just going "CHOMP!" at everything.)

Solution - We get 3 boats all set up for their locations to be recieved by satellite. Next, we get them to a corner of the Bermuda Triangle and they slowly begin decending into the middle at a steady rate. When we lose signal it's most likely that Moby Dick has just eaten. We then mark it's co-ordinates and we have a very (in hope the triangle doesn't fluctuate) accurate outline.
Next, we get millions of tug-boats, and tie them all together. Every 10th boat will have a camera on. We then sail the boats through the centre of the Bermuda Triangle, starting half way between two corners and heading to the third. We repeat this for all 3 sides; if no boat sinks, then there is "no mystery". If they do sink, I haven't got a third stage just yet.

This could be a valid way of testing it out, to see if there are magic powers.
x

Monday is for... [Wacky Moment]

2008-05-13T20:46:00.007+01:00

Me and Josie we're talking, and it was an enlightening conversation, I almost felt my feet lift off the ceiling. What if, check it out, we had a reason for the days being named as they are. Now, Monday proved a problem and Saturday brought about an eco-friendly day, but it was funny. Onto the list:
Monday - "Fun Day", everyone has fun, or you get set to a big bouncy castle until you smile. [Late Entry]
Tuesday - "Chew Day", where everyone has to chew stuff. [Donated by mother]
Wednesday - "Wedding Day", the only day of the week you can legally get married.
Thursday - "Furs Day", as sick as fur is, we could all wear fake fur on this day.
Friday - "Fry-Up Day", you must have a fry-up for breakfast, and a brunch for dinner.
Saturday - "Sitting Day", no walking, only sitting. (No driving unless you slept in car)
Sunday - "Sunny Day", it must be sunny, or else we question the days naming.

Saturday was hilarious for us, as I had this image of everyone scooting to work on wheely office chairs. :D
x

P.S. - Posted while chewing tongue. [Tuesday]

Josie's wonderful word... [Discovery]

2008-04-23T21:26:00.004+01:00

One fine sunny day, Mark was at Josie's and he had stumbled upon a lovely, lavish looking snot coloured English book. Now, it wasn't a year 7 or 8 book, it was a year 6 book. This made it all the more interesting.

Josie had written a book about 2 cats; Minx and Manx, and all of their adventures...Well, I say "their adventures" when I mean "Minx's (the adopted cats?) devious plan to get rid of Manx (twin brother, also adopted), who tried to blow up the worlds 'cattiest dina' in the world". This is basically the plot of her story. It was quite entertaining I must say. I did come across some oddly spelt words, and a new word. A new word was invented! Just check it out, it's "gallumphing", cool huh?

Now, we've yet to decide what it means, but it is brilliant. Gallumphing, is a word truely spoken from the heart of a year 6. If you ask me I'd think it was an abbreviation to "Getting All Laboratory Lavatories Under My Perceived Health Induction Nuisance Gauge", which means that toilets in science blocks will not be annoying, by having pink, green, yellow, red, blue and sometimes black, splodges on them.

I also discovered the musical note H. (Now, for those who aren't bothered enough to work it out, it's the German "B". So, their scale goes: A, H, C, D, E, F, G, A....etc :o)

Anyway. Peace out, and get with it. x

It has come to me, like an advancing cyclone...[Idea]

2008-04-18T21:24:00.003+01:00

T'other day I was in Geography, yeh?, and we were talking 'bout BIG tropcial cyclones and storms. Now, one of the reasons and conditions they need to form was "all wind at all levels must be blowing the same way". Which means, in the northern hemisphere they must all be blowing anti-clockwise and in the southern hemisphere, clockwise. Upon this note, Mark, had the genious idea of how to STOP cyclones forming, and save millions of poor LEDC people in the Phillipines, Bangladesh, etc...

Now, the idea is not easily possible, but it did bring humour to ol'e Mr. MacDonald (who for the records, is NOT a teacher). All we need to do is, mass produce some wind tunnel fans (because they can blow at over 170km/h I think) and line them up in the sea. Now, when a cyclone is coming, we just turn them on and it will take out one layer of air if we get them blowing fast enough. This means the natural disaster will be averted and human kind given a second chance.
This plan failing we could just build a big brick wall that acts as a barrier, or not build there. Although, there are reasons for us to live there.
x

It's been a while...[Question] [Fact]

2008-04-18T21:01:00.005+01:00

Just over a month; and joy has it been a good one! Time to fill you in. I have some ideas, some strange facts and...Down-left-stupidious things to say.

Firstly; I would like to propose a question for you... Why don't toilet lids have handles? Surely this would make sense as it would be easier to pull it up..? It doesn't have to be a sticky out one, it can always be two carved out bits of oblong, to make a rectangle about 10 cms in, for you to wrap your hand around. Now, this latter idea may have a problem with little splashes from, opening the whirl pool, and lazy drunkards may decide to "aim through" it. But, why can't the toilet be fun?

Secondly; I appear to have forgotten the rest, and I didn't write them down. So, here is an interesting fact! Tropical storms in Australia are known as...Wait for it... [Willy Willies]. Yes! Geography is officially an immature A-level. Yay!

Thirdly; I have remembered a bit of pointless information for you. Something you know you really want to know, because I never smile and you need telling about my teeth. Well, apart from my bottom ones being as straight as stone henge, there is good news. I have good teeth! Only a few small minor problems, but...Nothing a bit of brushing can't fix. So remember to brush regularly, and eat chocolate more often. Chocolate is healthy to some extent! It has calcium in it. [Yum yum yum].

I'm going to depart from this station. Expect a blog soon, if anyone cares.
x

St. Valen-rob-your-mother-tines day. [Lesson]

2008-02-14T19:36:00.004Z

Well...Today made a change, not single on valentines. It's actually been a pattern for the past 3 years now, shocking. Anyway, I'm not into the "supporting a fake holiday thing" where it is expected of you to show how much, or very little, you care about someone...
I spent this one with Josie, and nothing major happened, we acted as if it was a normal day. Now, this is fine and well, but, I show her how much I really care 'bout her most of the time, so why is this stupid [fake] holiday about..? I'm sure the rose sellers make lots of money.

Anyway rant over, I learnt something today.
Barney's is a lovely cheap and tasty place for jumbo sausage and chips. Well, I actually knew that, but light drizzle, cold hands and falling jeans made it a bit more acceptable and loveable. I feel Barney's really gave out some love today.
x

Odd shoes [Idea]

2008-01-30T21:53:00.001Z

This is kind of an idea for Josie, but it'd be quite cool. I know it's already in America, but I can't find one in England. What if we had factory defects sent to a warehouse style store, much like a larger (dare I say, cooler) Brantanos.

What if, you could buy a shoe at half the retail price, if it was a defect shoe, and buy them seperately. This means you can buy a pink shoe for your left foot and a black one for your right. You can also vary sizes, and if per chance a dog mauls your right foot, and you don't have it amputated, you could always get a shoe that matches your old one. This would also help Josie...Who has dodgy feet.
This could make some money, I think, if it is gone about correctly. A pic'n'mix for shoes...

Well, I shall leave you with that short thought.
x

(The special maths behind this:
Normal converse pair = £30 ish.
If you bought seperately, thats £15 each.
If they were defect 75% of £30 = £22.50 for a pair.
So, it'd work out about £11.25 for one shoe.)

Tesco and Jews [Lesson]

2008-01-27T21:27:00.002Z

...Tesco has launched a current plan in our workplace, to reward 100% attendance between now and sometime in March.
To celebrate this they drew a pretty picture of a road, at the top they had a star. Now, this wasn't a normal star is was one of the 2 triangle stars. And, cause it was on a white board, it looked a bit like the Jewish star sign...Next to it they had the phrase "Keep on the right track".

This means, I have learnt having 100% attendance in my workplace (Tesco), rewards you with either a) a Judaist star, or b) you becoming a Jew...
I might just have to take a day off work. :)
x

The amazing question... [Lesson]

2008-01-15T19:49:00.001Z

Okay, we'll start with the learning, then I have a question to ask...
Lesson: Today, got bored. Decided to see how far back my iPod's calendar goes. Shock horror! It goes all the way back to 0000... Any point? No...Unless you want to mark the battle of hastings, world war 1 and world war 2, etc...
So, we discovered this, then I pressed back again and "Dec 253825" or something came up...Weird. Also, learnt a while ago; my phone goes back to 1970 in the calendar.

A question: Why do we need to go back this far?
Reasoning for asking: the iPod classic and the Sony Ericsson model I have, has not been out since before 2000...So, why would I need to go back to 0000 or 1970? It's pointless.
Okay, I can understand if you get your phone and you upload important birthdays, and life changes but...1970 is a tad extreme.
Semi-rant over.

So, enjoy the knowledge that iPod calendars go back to 0000... :) Yes, it took a fair amount of time and back button bashing.
x

HMV and Virgin [Idea]

2008-01-12T19:47:00.001Z

Well, after a few upsetting trips to London and buying CDs and beholding an iPod...I've always had the idea. It'd been idle though, sleeping peacefully until Josie sparks it off.

Why don't either of the shops, have a little computer behind the desk with the music on. What happens is; you buy your CD and, maybe, for an extra 10% you can get it uploaded there and then? Now, you wouldn't have to open the CD as it'd be on the system.
This basically means that if you are in London and buy a CD and want to listen to it on your MP3, iPod, Zune or Creative etc...Then you can do on the way back home, also the company might make some money as it's 10% (which is only a quid-ish)...

Also, Nick Rudd virtually taught me how to take some ass-whoopin :D Yay. First; drop the the floor. Secondly; scream like an ickle girly. Thirdly; cower.
x

Marvellous [Idea] [Lesson]

2008-01-10T19:51:00.003Z

Today was simply marvellous. On a 20 minute round trip to Co-op, I learnt that Fairtrade food is lovely, and we created an idea.

Now, the lesson; Fairtrade. Most people I know diss it, 'cause it helps. But, the banana was nice...And the orange juice was some of the best ever. It's also supportive of the farmers. I might be buying more Fairtrade in future.

My idea; a little turnstyle thing for our school fence...Prison fence, whatever. This is do-able to only let Sixth formers out during lesson and at lunch people with a lunch pass can get out easily.
Now, how does it work? Fingerprint biometric data! The school already has it. So, what we do is...Pay 10p for the turnstyle to let us through...Unless it's lunch where it's free for sixth formers and lunch pass people.

Now, yes, this has it's flaws. But, we have a solution. To stop little children escaping, you can only use your finger once every 10 minutes. This raises money for the school which will improve it... Sad eh? Me thinking of how to HELP the school. Ah well.
It'll cut our 20 min round trip to co-op down to about 10 again.

Peace x

Pic'n'mix... [Lesson]

2008-01-08T19:21:00.002Z

It is impossiblie, down right im-poss-e-ble! To keep my Pic'n'Mix well hidden.
Sister waltzes into bedroom and somehow her hand finds her way to my pic'n'mix...My mum walks in with socks and boxers to put away, and oh look. Half the bag is gone. She likes them white mice!

Psh, I'm gonna trap it. Put a big fat wookie on the guard or something...But, I'm sure Wallace would just eat them!
Ah well.

I also learnt how to play "musical Haydn'go seek". (It's a music joke)
x

Very much so for... [Idea]

2008-01-05T21:50:00.002Z

Mike Scott, if he ever becomes blind.
This was sparked when Abi mentioned about a braille bass. Last night, while going to sleep, I had a brain wave how to do it!

~Right, what we do, is we make it the same as a normal one; near enough. Except on top of the volume knob we put a V in braille, tone we put a T and if it has pickup control we put a P. Smart, eh?

~Next, for the neck, we will need to engrave into the back of the neck, immediately behind the fret, a groove. In between two of the grooves, we will stick little braille nobbles that say the fret number. Hopefully, blind people can use their thumb?

~Thirdly, because they'd need to tune it. On the tuning pegs we can have braille, once again, and it says E, A, D or G. Also, as they will need to know when to stop tuning up, or down, we will make a new tuner. This will shout out the note and whether to raise it or lower it. This will work off vibrations of the neck/string, much like the one I'm using.

Voila! A bass guitar you could play with your eyes shut...Although we can partially do that.
x

Reasoning for this blog...

2008-01-05T21:30:00.003Z

Well done for reading the first post.
Mainly, the blog is to keep a record on my life, which is rather interesting. I'll try not to bore you, so only decent things get posted and I won't back date.
x :)